title: I'm Too Old For This Shit....

author: lisa roquin

rating: 13

fandom: BtVS/Lethal Weapon

characters: Buffy Summers, Martin Riggs,

disclaimer: all copyrighted characters and their "universes" belong to their respective authors, writers, creators, production companies, producers and long lists of people that are so very much not me. Quite simply, if you recognize it, it isn't mine. No profit made, no harm intended, just having fun.

summary: what comes around goes around, Riggs has a new partner too crazy for him.

author's note: TtH Ficforall 2004

Martin Riggs glared at the blonde young woman. Roger had finally made good on his retirement plans, it had only taken him...what? Twelve years to finally retire and about seventeen times of counting days off on the calendar. Day three of his new partner, Buffy Summers and Marty was begining to wonder if he shouldn't put in for retirement.

"You are. Never. Driving. Again."

"We got here in one piece didn't we? Bad guys now, whine later." she took off out of the car at a run.

"WHINE? WHINE! I DON"T WHINE!" Martin shouted and took off after her.

Santa, Rudolph and three elves had just held up Golden State National, shot up the place, on pronounced dead on the scene, five more taken to the hospital.

The bank robbers had gotten as far as their get away car--driven by Mrs. Claus presumably, at least that's what Martin guessed the mask was. Murdering bank robbers getting into the seasonal spirit. Every time he'd thought he'd seen it all, something else came along and topped it. Santa and Rudolph committing armed robbery was a new high or low...or something.

Bates and Harper had Mrs. Clause Martin noted as he ran past them and the woman they had on the ground cuffing. Stevens, Gonzalez, O'Rourke and Collins were going after the elves who had lit off in one direction when the getaway car ran out of gas. Summers was chasing Santa and Rudolph.

Damn Summers could run fast.

"What the hell --?" Martin gasped as he stopped panting. Santa and Rudolph had caught themselves by running down a dead end alley.

Summers had Rudolph down and cuffed. Exactly how he couldn't say. She'd moved too quickly.

Santa drew his gun.

Summers managed a very pretty kick. The gun went off, Martin heard the bullet go right by his ear.

Santa was kissing concrete a second later and his lawyer might have a case for police brutality from the way Santa was screeching with pain.

"Cuffs please?" Summers demanded snippily.

"That bullet gave me a hair cut."

"It was two inches away from you. Handcuffs? Now?"

Martin threw the cuffs at her.

She had the nerve to try to get back behind the wheel when they returned to the car.

"No way. You. Are. Never. Driving. Again."

She rolled her eyes. "Why does everyone get so wiggy about my driving?"

"Oh I don't know? They don't feel like death by blonde driver!"

"Watch it." She glared dangerously and shoved Rudolph into the back of the car.

"Bite me" Martin shot back. Retirement was looking like a good idea.

~*~*~

"Marty," Roger Murtagh grinned, "Just in time. You can hold the ladder. My lights got knocked down by a stray basketball."

"Yeah, sure, Rog." Martin said distractedly and moved to hold the ladder so Roger could string the Christmas lights back up on the garage.

"You okay, buddy?"

"SHE'S CRAZIER THAN I AM!" Martin exploded. "And you think I'm a crazy driver? She scares me!"

Roger began laughing.

"I'm serious, Roger. She's crazy! And what the hell kind of name is Buffy? I'm too old for this shit, Rog. Retire and stay home with the squirt. Lorna can take on all the over time she wants. She's going to kill me."

Roger just laughed harder.

"She broke Santa's arm in four places!"

"Santa?"

"The Golden State hold up. Mrs. Claus drove the getaway car. Santa Rudolph and three elves did the hold up."

"Santa?" Roger repeated in disbelief.

"Santa. Santa bout blew my head off. Bullet came this far from my ear." He held his thumb and fore finger barely an inch apart. " She kicked his arm so hard that it shattered the bone. And caused him to pull the trigger and nearly take my head off with the bullet! She's insane. I am way too old for this shit Rog. I'm gonna retire."

Roger began laughing again. "You're gonna have to bring the girl by. I gotta meet her."

"Lorna loves her. Practically adopted the little psychopath. Oh, shut up and quit laughing Roger."